still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
