i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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