Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
and she was petting her beer can
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
