I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He better not be in your backpack
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
