You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
