I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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