when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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