Sponge bath it is.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just gargled with NyQuil
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
