your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
