They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
