she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
