I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
