I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
