even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
