He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize