That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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