when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
