i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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