I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
