I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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