he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
