wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
