would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
my liver is dry heaving
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
