I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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