I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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