I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
