Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
