i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
