we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
