So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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