People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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