Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
