He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
