Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
