"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
handjob tips. give me some.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
