You don't have asthma, your pregnant
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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