how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Randomize