the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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