watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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