A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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