I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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