oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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