I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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