I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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