Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
