umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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