I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
