so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
