it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
