well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
