Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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