he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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