What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
