did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
