12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize