I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
