Buhtt sex?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
pray to the hookup gods
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
