i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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