Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Randomize
