Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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