did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
