i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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