I'm going to jail i love you
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
