I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
