I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
