I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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