he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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