Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I have aggressive nipples.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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