Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
