Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
honey bunches of taint.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
